Little Known Facts about Health Care Legislation

Stolen via Big Jim Slade



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - The United States Senate has unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare:

-Under CompromiseCare, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

-Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

-You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

-States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.

-You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.

-You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.

-A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.

-You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.

-Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Lieberman."

-You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.