Religion

• Two Irish Catholic priests meet on the street, and Seamus says to Thomas, "Thomas, how are you this fine day." And Thomas says, "Oh Seamus, I think one of my parishioners has stolen my bicycle, and I don't know what to do!" And Seamus says, "Thomas, next Sunday, when you give your sermon, recite the 10 commandments. When you get to 'Thou shalt not steal', look you congregation in the eyes, and you'll know who stole your bicycle." Thomas thinks this is a good idea, and he says he'll try it. The next week, Seamus and Thomas meet in the street again and Seamus asks Thomas if he tried his suggestion. And Thomas says, "Yes Seamus, I did just what you said. For my sermon I recited the 10 commandments. And you know, when I got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I left my bicycle!"

• One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."

• Riddle: So what do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Answer: The same middle name.

• What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s witness with a Atheist? Some one who knocks on your door but doesn’t have anything to say.

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• A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the historic Wailing Wall. Everyday when she looks out, she sees an old bearded Jewish man praying vigorously. Certain he would be a good interview subject, the journalist goes down to the Wall and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, "You come every day to the Wall, sir, how long have you been doing that and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth. And very, very important, I pray for peace and understanding between the Israelis and Palestinians."The journalist is very impressed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these wonderful things?" she asks. The old man replies calmly, "Like I'm talking to a wall..”

• What’s the difference between Christ and an oil Painting? It only takes one nail to hang a painting.